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The End of the World?

You’d think it was the end of the world – the Bad Guys are coming and we have to go into hiding. The house is completely closed up – windows latched, curtains drawn, no movement in the house apart from the lone figure sitting in front of the television. He’s all wrapped up in a hat, scarf, woollen jumper and grandpa slippers. The only noise in the house comes from the TV, or else a small whimper from the lone figures’ mouth. “Babe, I feel siiiiiick!”

Oh yes, my boyfriend, that 6’2, fit, charming hunk of a man, has a cold. And it’s like it’s the end of the world.

He came down with it this morning (Friday). I didn’t need an alarm clock, because he was tossing and turning so much that of course I was going to wake up. Although I pretended not to notice, I couldn’t fake it any longer when he rolled towards me and (deliberately) coughed loudly right near my ear. “Are you awake?” he said. “I am now!” I grumbled. “Good...can you please get me some cough medicine and some Panadol? I feel a bit off.”

The poor lad was looking a bit pink on the cheeks, so I took pity on him and got him the Vicks Formula 44 and trusty Panadol. I told him to stay in bed, and sleep it off. I tucked him in nice and snug, and blew him a kiss good-bye (no way was I going to risk a kiss for a cold!) Off I went to work, and during the day my mind wandered to him many a time, wondering if he was feeling any better and perhaps I’d pick up some chicken soup from the supermarket on the way home.

When I got home, I found the place in darkness. The boyfriend was huddled up on the couch, thrashing the Playstation, a packet of chips, some Burger King and a half empty 2.25l of Sprite sitting on the coffee table. “Oh you went to get some food,” I said. “You must be feeling a bit better then?” Oh what a mistake! Immediately, the sad little face was back and a whimper and a cough and a “Can you please fill up my water bottle? I feel so dehydrated...”

What is it with males when they are sick? It’s like they are the only people in the world who have ever suffered from the common cold. Three weeks ago, I was also feeling pretty crook. The first day I snorted some nose spray and went to work. The second day I felt lousier, so I had a sick day. Did I sit in front of the TV all day, with curtains drawn, pounding the Playstation? No. Even though I was feeling sick, I still managed to put on a load of washing and empty the dishwasher!

I wasn’t exactly expecting a vacuumed house and dinner on the table (I’m hardly that lucky at the best of times, let alone when the boyfriend has a sniffle!) But it would have been nice if he’d managed to throw away his Burger King leftovers. Or opened the curtains. “But my eyes are so sensitive to light!” was his defense. OK, well what about opening a window to air out the apartment? “But I’m so cold, I don’t want to get a chill.”

Well, I shouldn’t expect too much from him, he is a mere male after all! We women are stronger, and tougher, I think. When I was a little girl, if I was feeling sick, it was Mum who looked after me. It was Mum who made me baby-marmite-sandwiches and lemon drinks and tickled my back to put me to sleep. Amazingly, Mum never got sick - she used to say that mothers don’t have time to get sick, and she’s probably right. Who would look after the household if Mum was on her deathbed?

We females are used to handling a bit of pain - males don’t have to suffer monthly cramps. For most of us girls, we pop a couple of Panadol and carry on with our day. Just imagine if males had period pain – they’d need a whole week off work every month! Or if they had to go through childbirth – there wouldn’t be enough drugs in the hospital!

It seems to me that males are hypochondriacs – maybe they actually like being a bit sick so they get pampered by their female counterparts. Maybe it gives them a sense of security and makes them feel loved? Or, maybe they just like to take advantage of the situation and have a great day off work! I don’t think the boyfriend can complain too much about feeling a bit sick; all he did all day was play Playstation and eat junk food – every boys dream! A couple of weeks ago, my male flatmate woke up with a ‘headache’ and took a sick day…I think it was really so that he could stay home and watch Maria Sharapova in the tennis semi-finals!

Either way, tomorrow’s Saturday. And since it’s the weekend, I have a funny feeling the boyfriend will wake up feeling a lot better than he did today!

By pink 22-Feb-2006
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