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Couples we love to hate

It must be mating season. In the last few weeks, I’ve found myself constantly surrounded by googley-eyed, bum-pinching, hands-in-each-others-pockets couples. Spring seems to be the time of year when people come out of their winter hibernation, crank up their hormones, and cozy up to other like-minded people. It’s disgusting isn’t it? The more couples I see, the more I dislike them...I’ve even classified them into eight different groups – couples we love to hate.

The Serial Couple

While I love to hate couples in general, some couples just love to hate each other! I have a friend who has been with her man for 5 years. During those 5 years, they would have had at least 10 breakups. This couple is constantly bickering, arguing, screaming and generally making each others lives as miserable as possible. Are they together? Or aren’t they together? Couple? Single? Couple again? I’ve spent a small fortune in buying cheer-her-up coffees. Yet, after every break up, they always end up getting back together and starting right back at square one. I think perhaps the make up sex is worth the arguing?

The Lovey-Dovey Couple

Don’t you just love a new romance? You look at the world through rose-tinted glasses. Everything is perfect about your new beau and you just can’t get enough of him...literally. Unfortunately the rest of the world isn’t as excited about your new relationship as you are – I can’t bear the sight of a new couple having public foreplay: the stroking of her hair, her hand resting just below his buttock as they walk along – ugh! Get a room! This sort of behaviour is only acceptable when you are a fifteen-year-old virgin experimenting with romance. It is not acceptable for recently divorced forty-something’s.

The Identical Twin Couple

What is it about those couples who wear matching jackets/ shoes/ bum bags/ Chihuahuas? You know the ones I’m talking about – just look for the bus full of tourists parked outside the Sky Tower. I suppose it’s kind of cute that these couples are so in love, they actually want to be each other. But I have to draw the line at matching haircuts.

The Fit Couple

I’m always jealous of those couples who go for long runs together. I fear putting on a tank top and short-shorts for fear of catching sight of my reflection in the mirror, let along having my man run along beside me as I huff and puff and blow myself out! But some couples really seem to enjoy slogging it out together. I think it has something to do with foreplay, once again. All that sweat and heavy breathing...it just makes me sick. Especially if they are wearing matching jogging outfits.

The Sharing Food Couple

The Sharing Food Couple comes in two forms – one, the couple is so in love, they just want to share absolutely everything. Two, the girlfriend is on a diet. The girlfriend nibbles off her partners’ plate and says “Oh No! I’m too full for cheesecake – I’ll just have a taste of yours” (yeah right! We all know he’ll order it and you’ll end up eating most of it anyway!) The main benefit of being the girlfriend in a Sharing Food Couple is being able to say that you only ordered salad for dinner – let alone the fact you also polished off his mussel entrée, bacon fettuccine and lemon cheesecake. At least the ordering-salad part sounds good.

The Best Friend Couple

Some couples seem to be joined at the hip. Where Jack goes, Jill goes. When Jill gets asked to a party, she automatically assumes Jack is invited. These couples do everything together – there is no “I” in these relationships, they’re all about “we”. These are the kinds of couples who will have combined Hen’s and Buck’s nights and actually enjoy themselves. These are also the kind of couples who are not good to tell secrets too – if you tell Jill something sacred, you can be sure that Jack will also know all the gory details.

Couple Of Convenience

I have some friends who have been together forever: all through High School, right through University, and now well into their working lives. You’d think they must really love each other to have been together for so long, but in truth they are miserable. Both plan on getting married eventually – to someone else. Both want to do a working O.E. – with someone else. Why are they together then? Because of convenience. They’ve been together so long, it’s more hassle than it’s worth to break up. These sorts of couples frequently have kids. Then when the kids move out of home, the couples break up: “Oh, we stayed together for the kids”. No, honey, you stayed together because it was convenient, so don’t complain to me about how you’re a forty-five year old, menopausal woman, now having to frequent bars and nightclubs in order to find a new convenient spouse.

The Perfect Couple

Ugh! These couples are the worst! We all know one of these couples – everything about them is just so right. They never fight, they get along like a house on fire and they even have a social life. They make me sick. The only comfort in knowing a couple like this is the knowledge that nothing perfect lasts forever – just ask Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt!

There we have it, the eight most annoying couples that we love to hate. Chances are if you’ve read all the way to the bottom of this article, you’re a single girl. If not, I suspect you may be one of those couples of convenience...because if you are truly happy couple, you wouldn’t have even read past the title! Just go out and buy some matching jackets to make yourself feel better.

By pink 13-Oct-2006
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